Killing in the name of

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 10:26:50 GMT

I’ve been contemplating suicide
But it really doesn’t suit my style
So I think I’ll just act bored instead
To contain the blood I could have shed
She makes me feel so weary
My heart is really on its knees
But I keep a poker face so well
that even my mother couldn’t tell
That my baby’s so vain
She is almost a mirror
and the sound of her name
Send a permanent shiver
Down my spine
Down my spine
Well I keep her photograph against my heart
Cause in my life she plays
A starring part
Our love could hold on cigarettes
There is no room for these cheap regrets
She makes me feel so weary
My heart is really on its knees
But I keep a poker face so well
That even my mother couldn’t tell
That my baby’s so vain
She is almost a mirror
And the sound of her name
Send a permanent shiver
Down my spine Down my spine
Sends a permanent shiver down my spine

read those lyrics.. theyre so good. and download the song. shiver - screaming jets. goodnight

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 10:14:58 GMT

Today I came third at nationals :D :D :D
Today I felt nervous to the maxous, ADRENALINE, nervous, scraed, shaky, excited, happy.
Today I thought omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg what if i fuck up omgomgomgomgomgomgomg
Today I thank liz, for being the first one of my friends ever to come see me compete, and jana, for giving me the best good luck in the whole world :D
Today I love caiti, alison, liz, phil, katie, laura, and all the rest of the crew
Today I hate LANG WANG! and the lang wang trio, and the queensland trio, and yuri.
Today I did nationals?
Today I didn't beat lang wang :(
Today I give big shoutouts to caiti and alison because they are the best and i will miss them eternally.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 07:57:04 GMT

oh. my. god.
i finished! finished competing and nationals and finished acro for this year and everything. im done!! man ive been looking forward to this aaall term :) :)
so, we did really well. like, compared to last comp, we did super super well. i guess thats what happens when you actually train :D we won in our first routine which was mad, but our second one wasn't as good and we came 4th. then today, we came second! but overal the fuckin queensland trio beat us so we came third. there was some huuge debate over their score, but everntually they got a really really good score for a really average routine, pretty much cos their coach was judging. wow, my sport is just so fair. so thats why we ended up coming third. but im still happy with that. and now i have nothng to worry about and im on HOLIDAYS! Well, almost. just flop tomorrow. me and caiti are so excited :)
la la la la la la
NSW IS UNBELIEVABLE!! (clap, clap, calp clap clap, clap clap clap clap, calp clap)

Oh yeah, new south wales won nationals (again) thats like, seven years in a row now? mad.
im gonna miss caiti and alison soo much :( argh, im going to cry. the best partners in the whole WORLD. I love you guys ♥

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 23:42:46 GMT

Something Really Epic!
Something Really Epic last night was freakin rad! like heaps of people came and stuff and all the bands were really good and everyone got into it and stuff. Yay leichhardt youth council! me, elle, max, jaimee, ash and jack make a pretty good fuckin team. Anyway yeah so it was good and thanks for everyone who came and stuff.
Joker won in the end.. but they played really well. and OMFG ASDFGHJKL; they got offered a gig with Parkway Drive!!! thgats soo exciting for them. parkway!! wow. *jealous* but good for them and stuff cos thats a pretty fuckin good achievement. so yeah, good work guys.
a kettle of fish came second which was really good too. they played madly. i tihnk diamond daggers came third.. hmmmn. hopefully we made money for the youth refuge majiggy. i stayed at chubzs after. it was mad fun =) but we didnt watch the lion king :( her dog and cat are really mad.. theyre both going in my heroes on myspace.. wow i think about myspace too much.
holly, im totally on myspace right now listening to the song.. haha. i knew i would. youre right about the recording though.
it was fun cos me and elle and the rest of the outhyay councilors got there at like 2 to set up and soundcheck and stuff and it was really mad. i also ate lots of marshmallows and drank free drink.
what a mad night. i had soo much fun =) im glad it was a success and stuff..

peace

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 08:12:51 GMT

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

(i want that tshirt)

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:44:53 GMT

If looks could kill you'd be a fucking shotgun against my head. so fucking cold. picture perfect and pathetic. I would so love to hang you. cat got your tongue? selling yourself short again? you're selling yourself short again. bare your insecurities. I want to see you cry. I want to see your tears. why did you throw your heart away? why did you let yourself down? why did you throw your heart away? why did you let yourself down time and again? why did you throw your heart away? so taste the skin and let your heartbeat slow. feel your bleeding away. lifeless. why did you let yourself down? why did you throw your heart away? that cheap fucking smile carries you to bed, and those lips are social suicide but i just want to see you dead.
you're like a shotgun baby.
pointed at my head and those lips are suicide but i just want to see you dead

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 21:52:23 GMT

I had tender feelings that you made hard,
But it's your heart, not mine, that's scarred.
So when I go home, I'll be happy to go -
You're just somebody that I used to know.

You don't need my help anymore,
It's all now to you, there ain't no before,
Now that you're big enough to run your own show,
You're just somebody that I used to know.

I watched you deal in a dying day,
And throw a living past away,
So you can be sure that you're in control,
You're just somebody that I used to know.

I know you don't think you did me wrong,
And I can't stay this mad for long,
Keeping ahold of what you just let go -
You're just somebody that I used to know.

today i jumpd on the today bandwagon

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 10:14:00 GMT

Today I had a really average day
Today I felt really average
Today I thought that maybe things arent like they were
Today I thank caiti
Today I love no-one really
Today I hate him and her.. ooh mysterious
Today I did nothing of interest to anyone
Today I didn't PUT UP FLYERS AGAIN! bad lucia!
Today I give big shoutouts to alison, because she is not here

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 10:59:48 GMT

i'm the new cancer, never looked better
and,
you can't stand it

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 10:57:01 GMT

i've come to the conclusion that nothing ever turns out the way you expect it to
for example, i expected to lose today. no, wait. i expected to get slaughtered today. i havent trained properly in over a month so i obviously expected to be beaten (again) by the one trio that i have never managed to beat before. but, i didn't. turns out i actually won :) i expected not to even make it to state champs. but i did :) sorry if this sounds all gloatgloatgloat but im sooooo happy. man winning has never felt this good :D:D
ok, ill stop that now, sorry guys.
but, back to my theory.
so i never expected to see that $100 again. you see, when i lose things, they are usually gone forever. i never expected to find the money. but i did.
i never expected my dad to buy me ice-cream. but he did
i expected last night to be awfully horribly painfully bad. but it wasn't
i never expected today to turn out soo good. but it did.

so, im a very happy camper.
bye cupcakes.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 08:13:33 GMT

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

haha, sorry kate! i stole this from your lj

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 10:49:28 GMT

fuck
today was just the fucking worst day in the history of bad days. well ok, it started off really good.. but so soon it turned shitshitshit and it got worse and worse and now its just the worst day ever and everything is fucking gay and i want today to just go die in a fucking hole cos everything was so shit. im not gonna write the especially shitness things because 1. i dont want people to read them and 2. they will make me all emo and stuff.
melodramatic much? haha. sorry guys. but fuuuuck fuck today and just fuck it was so shit. friendlings, i advise you not to talk to me for like, the next half hour. i mght be abit mean :P
♥

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:40:49 GMT

so i thnk everyone would agree that im p[retty much the only person ever who hasnt done one? ok so here goes..

10 things
10 things you want to say to 10 people but you know you never will..

1. what can i say? everything i want to say to you ive said already. i love you so incredbly much its not funny. you make me so happy all the time. nothing would be the same or make any sense witout you. i feel so lucky to have someone like you to always count on for anything. you are my sunshine and my rainbow and my lollipops and dont go anywhere cos id die without u (and im not even kidding). you mean everything to me, i heart you always. and never.
2. I love you soo much. I tihnk smoetimes its hard for you to even know how much i appreciate you, and youre so often underestimated. You have always been there for me when i needed someone to talk to or laugh with or whatever, and sometimes, well alot fo times.. when im feeling average just being around you makes everything good. you make me smile alot, and i love that about you. I cant say i didnt doubt this for a while there..you had me wondering what changed and why and what was going to happen and whether it would ever be like ti was again. it was all shit. I'm so glad everythings normal again and we are really good again, cos i was struggling without you. But you pulled through, like you always do, and now i know that you always will. i. love. you. lots.
3. i don't know what the hell to say to you. I feel more different thing for you than anyone ever before and i can never understand it. I haven't know you that long, i don't know you at all. what we had was nothing..to you at least. but fucking hell, im not over it and i dont know why. Every time im in your area i hope to run into you, but when i do you make me feel like shit. i can't see you or talk to you without tihnking about it for like the next hourasdghjkl; i hate you, but to some extent i like, love you. i hate what happened and who you turned me into, who you turn me into every time we see each other. sometimes i wish id never met you, it would be easier that way. but theres something about you.. something about you i just can't get over. Fuck man, let me go
desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
4. i thinks your amazing.. your such a fantastic girl and i love being around you. i love your company, and i can trust you lots. I don't know if you know this, but i really really respect you. Its a weird tihng to say but i do. You know, i could work for a million years and id never be like you. you have a lot of things that not many other girls have, and not through luck either. i respect you for that. I really hope we're friends for ages, i love everything about you. you've always been a really good friend as well, so thanks.
5. theres nothing else to say but how glad i am that we're friends. thanks for making me realise ive been missing out all these years :) your really great and i love being close to you. The thing i really really love about you is that your so genuine. everything about you is 100% real 100% of the time. I admir ethat about people cos thats so not me. sometimes you just need to grow up a bit though. i do love you very much and im so glad to have you darl
6. im over it, okay? im over you, im over everything that happened, im over caring and being disappointed by you. I liked you for waay too long..fuck, you made me so desperate. but im glad you made me see (after like the millionth time) that youre not worth that. I know you never felt for me what i did for you, but so many times you made me believe it, and thats so low. all i needed was for you to put your insecurites aside and give it to me straight. but its always too much to ask with you. just remember that you had a million chances and you blew them all. you're a friend to me now, and thats all you'll ever be. for too long we were on and off, flirty, almost together, hot and cold, and all just weird. but we're out of the woods now.. and i never want to go back there. oh and look..this shit youre doing with her.. what the fuck? its so slack and you know how i felt when he did it.. don't think its different for you ok. your not so fucking invincible. i do appreciate your friendship, but im so glad thats finally as deep as it goes. Its weird, but i just.. i wanna be the friend you tell you're girlfriends about. im not going to be your friend when its convient to you, so just be a little more sensitive about that and this can work fine. we've always made it work before. but just remember im not every other girl anymore..cos im not in love with you.
sweetie, you had me
7. im really really glad i met you. is funny how this started, but ive heaps enjoyed getting to know you and i hope we can be better friends. your a nice guy, i cant say thats all there is but that stuff doesnt matter. i just want us to be mates and stuff because you make me smile and we get on really well. youre really easy to talk to and i love that in people. I hope we can keep getting closer, youre great :)
8. im sorry
9. i love our friendship. its easy, its simple, its never hard work. youre such an amazing girl and even though theres miles between us in terms of friends im resally glad we manage to be good friends regardless. i have alot in common with you, and i love that i can always count on you even if we dont talk every day or go out together alot. but im really happy with where we are, and i really want us to keep getting closer and stuff. i can always trust you, nd you never make this complicated. we're just good friends. I love you a lot and i dunno..im just heaps glad we're friends. lets never lose this. ♥
10. im glad i can have someone like you to rely on no matter what. my friendship with you is so, stable. but i must say, you've changed a lot lately. getting involved with those girls again? its so low.. i mean, i tohught we would always fight this battle together :P just odnt lose yourself along the way, i loved you so much just the way you were

ps guys. 7 and 9 kinda apply to two people
♥

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 10:07:26 GMT

dya know whats gay? i tihnk i owe sam kidd 5 bucks.. thats sucks coz i dont have 5 bucks to give him atm, and england shouldnt have even lost to potugal because if the biased ref hadnt sent the ugly one off and portugals gay rough players hadnt injured our golden boy then we would have won. yeah, damn straight. so since he bet me 5 dollars for portugal to win and they won unfairly, that doesnt count, right?

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 13:21:30 GMT

while i waited, i was wasting away.
while i waited, i was wasting away.

I never, never wanted this.
I always wanted to believe.
Never never wanted this.
I could not help because.
Never Never wanted this.
From the start I'd been deceived.
Never never wanted this.

i was wasting away..

the Great Disappointment - AFI

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 13:15:42 GMT

hey guys
so i would update about all the new stuff that i didnt update about, but i wont cos i cant be bothered. maybe later. actually i cant even be bothered updating now

poisoned hearts will never change

note: usually when its afi its about the same person

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 08:47:04 GMT

ah herro
so its the second last day of term.. how extremely strange. this term has gone wowquick!
rebel rebel sex sex something something party party something something something and dont forget the violence
haha, i have a marilyn manson song stuck in my head :)))) sex sex party party
rtoday was pretty gay.. like holes didnt wana go to school but i did coz jana was and i couldnt neglecto tho janfruitio. then yeh we had maths with bayas man and gay english and OMG I HATE DOUBLE SCIENCE SO MUCH AND I HATE JAMBLE WITH HER GAY ASSIGNED SEATING AND IT WAS SOO HELLISH FOR A WHOLE 104 MINUTES. dude, if jana wasnt in my class, id die. then french was fun and pe was just bludgey :D
HOLIDAYS TOMORROW!
im goignt o queensland on monday night which is extra exciting tooo. i full wanted to the go the city tis arvo but then katie had guitar. gay
my back is full fucking up on me ands asdfghjkl; im going to go make a physio appointment

BTW
just for everyones information, in case anyone cares, alex d owns me (on myspace) haha. yeah. im cool. he owns me.

xoxo ♥

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 12:30:55 GMT

omg. cut.

the hardest thing is letting go of you

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 12:05:01 GMT

oh my god i miss last year. haha i just read all my new years resolutions :(

so today was school of rock. what a crazy, emotional rollercoaster haha. like seriously, there was just all these guys there that i see and makes my emotions fizzle but all of them in one place? jesus. but i guess it was a pretty good day overall - except that i had to wait for ages to even get in..gay. but i got in just in time to see dales band who were really good. then headwires were really good too.. but i didnt get to see greg again today which was really really gay - but england is playing equador tonight so that makes it better. we better win..
omg so much has changed since last year *nostalgia*

ill be the giver and you'll be the taker.. i guess that's how this one's gonna go"

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 00:32:43 GMT

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. i hate the way you drive my car, i hate it when you stare. i hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. i hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. i hate the way you're always right, i hate it when you lie. i hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. i hate it when you're not around, and the fact you didn't call. but mostly i hate the way i don't hate you. not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 23:19:56 GMT

she's a runner, rebel and a stunner
suse i just realised how much i love stadium arcadium and how it is just the best album ever.
im in double french. yuck. and harris not even here but its ok coz chubz hmade me a cd so im happyyyyyyyyyyy.
ZOMG england drew with sweden this morning! they played mad though so its ok and of course theyre going through coz they topped their group. omg england just own the world cup dude - when i was watching them play this morning i realised how muvch better they are than like, australia and stuff. Beckham played good, but so did Cole (joe) coz he scored the first goal wich was a heeeaps good goal. in the end it was 2-2 but swedens second goal was a piece of shit, FLUKE!
argh ms cook get outta my life nowpleasethanx

when you pick up on that smell, pick it up and run like hell
bye kidzzzzz
charlie's making me smile

where is your boy tonight?

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 08:42:03 GMT

my lj needs waaaay more love okay? it actually needs people to read it, and mayb even comment occasionally.
can someone please step up?

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 08:11:46 GMT

"young men's love then lies not truely in their hearts, but in their eyes"

that shakespeare dude was just so wise. seriously though, he was so right
andand that quotes on page 69 as well :D

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 13:16:19 GMT

ok so im really tired coz i totally didnt sleep last night and yet im still up.
but only coz i wana talk to chubz and holly. and also maybe al little bit because when i go to bed im gonna have to figure out this little situation i have. gay. funny cause you've all told me so like i know what to do but.. i can't. so here i am, still up.
chubz, that artpad totally made my year. i love you..
so today was 100% average.. pretty boring and tired and gay so im not even gonna bother
goodnight!!

movie marathon

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 03:10:33 GMT

yo,
movie marathon last night was sick - was heeeaps of fun. considering we had a whole chicken, rolls, 2 bottles of coke, stolen candy, chocolate and lollipops... yeah, a pretty good night :P We saw the omen, xmen 3 and the ringer. the ringer was sooooo funny it was the only one i hadnt seen and it was really good. baha. "when the fuck did we get ice-cream?!?!" hahahahahaha. anyway but there was somew huge drama coz they were like WE'RE CHECKING EVERYONES ID BLAH BLAH BLAH so we werent allowed in coz none of us had id so then nikoli got full angry and some lady and nick was sposed to get us in coz he had fake id but then he was too stoned so he got kicked out haha.. then eventually cameron found us this 20 yr old guy who got us all in which was good. and through like the whole thing i sat with harri and anastas which was really fun and theyre sooo cute <3. anastas was really really nice to me which was good and so were scott and jackson and stuff.. so yeah AND i didnt even fall asleep ONCE!! alex d was there alsooo but i didnt sit with him really although at some points i wanted to go over for a while but it was dark so i didnt :P lol. yeh it was really fun - i got home at 6.12 (exactly lol) and slept till like 11 haha. and now im not even tired and im ready to stay up for the soccer tonight!!
waa hooo.
My friday night was really good too, i just hung out with my sister and watched jarhead which is like the best movie ever!!
This is my rifle.. there are many like it but this one is Mine
yeah annnd on sunday (yesterday) i went to travis's house coz he lives heaps close to me and me, him and alex hung out there which was heaps goood.
and now im gonna call holly and meet her in the city. then australias playing tonight and we have a huge screen! how exciting!!!!!!!!!
yeah, how do you say... best long weekend ever!!

welcome to the suck...